Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Mexican Food: Fact or Fiction

Have you ever been halfway through your Cheesy Gordita Crunch and wondered if you were eating the real deal? Have you ever thought "Do Mexicans really eat chimichangas?". If so, prepare to have all of your questions answered. This is Mexican Food: Fact or Fiction!

Round 1: Street Food

Fiction #1 - Fast Food Tacos are Authentic
I will give you a thousand dollars if you can find a taco even partially similar to this one anywhere in Mexico. In fact, if you can find me some seasoned ground beef I'll give you twenty!

Fact #1 - Mexican Tacos Are Amazing
This is the real deal folks. Want to know what Mexicans put in their tacos? Look directly above this typing. Want to know what is on that plate? I have absolutely no idea. Want to know how delicious it is? Very.

Fiction #2 - Chunky Salsa is Mexican
And all this time you thought it was pronounced Pah-say! I'll bet Pace isn't even made in Mexico either! This fiction is actually wonderful for me; I hate salsa. There are sauces here to put on your tacos but they are nothing like what we are used to dipping our chips in back home.

Fact #2 - Mexican Salsas Totally Rock
These are the standard sauces that you will find at any restaurant here in Mexico. Kelly loves the pico de gallo and the lighter green sauce. I, on the other hand, love the orange sauce with a little bit of lime. A few drops are usually enough to make me sweat. But, let's be honest, I sweat ALL day here anyway.

Were we sick after eating all of those tacos? Yes. Have we done it again? Multiple times.

Fact #3 - Arab Tacos Rule
These are definitely my favorite. They use a practical joke sized knife (Do you see that thing?) to slice meat off of a giant spinning horn. I don't know what kind of seasoning they put on it but it is incredible. I would probably eat my own shoes if they were seasoned with the same stuff.

Fact #4 - Mexican Hamburgers Are At the Pinnacle of Burger-dom
There's this little place about 100 feet from our house called "The Magic Hamburger". We were warned after the fact not to eat there but we will definitely be going back. After all, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. These burgers were the best we have ever had. Period.

If you look closely you might be able to make out a few of the ingredients on Kelly's burger: avocado, pineapple, mushroom, bacon, sliced ham, Oaxacan cheese, string cheese, yellow cheese, grilled onion, tomato, mayo, and ketchup. Try ordering that at your local Wendy's! I dare you!

We couldn't even read through the description of a burger without laughing at the insane variety of cheeses listed on the menu. (Note: Perhaps you've noticed my stylish comb-over. It has come to be lovingly known here in Mexico as my "Dad Hair". This is not a daily occurrence. My hair was just getting very long and I couldn't do it normally. I promise.)

Fiction #3 - Your Stomach Can Handle It
No. It can't. Sooner or later everyone must recognize that they are no match for the mighty power of real Mexican food. Don't worry, though. It's totally worth it and it's supposed to only make you sick once. I just figured that if I seemed more humble then the great and powerful "Flamita" might take it a little easier on me.

See what I mean? No matter how many times you think "Maybe this isn't a good idea", you do it anyway.

Fiction #4 - Chalupas Are Attractive
I have to be honest. I cannot blame Taco Bell for giving the chalupa a facelift for their U.S. market. In real life the chalupa is a far cry from its golden brown American counterpart. If you think you can handle the truth, scroll down one picture.

"I would like an order of chalupas please."
"Absolutely. Would you like me to chew the meat for you and spit it back onto your plate first as well?"
"Sure. But only if you promise to miss the tortillas and smear everything around on my plate too."
"It would be my pleasure."

Fact #5 - Mexican Food is Named Very Appropriately
Tostadas (pictured above) - actually made on toasted tortillas
Enchiladas - actually cooked with lots of chile
Gorditas - will definitely lead to you becoming a gordito/a yourself (gordo = fat)

No sooner would I attempt to describe the Mona Lisa or Beethoven's Fifth than to capture in words the majesty of this taco al pastor.

Fiction #5 - Gloves Are Necessary
To be honest, how clean are gloves anyway? Does the 17 year-old at McDonald's avoid touching nasty things any less because he is wearing them? If anything, gloves are a green light to touch anything you want. I say let's go the way of the Mexican market. No shirt. No gloves. No problem!

Fact #6 - Mexican Food is Cheap
For those of you wondering how we could possibly afford to live once back in Provo, have no fear! Mexican food is very easy on the wallet. For a plate of 5 tostadas we pay 9 Mexican dollars. That is about 80 cents! Take that Dollar Menu!

And, just in case you are wondering if Mexicans really do eat chimichangas, they don't. In fact, the word chimichanga doesn't even exist here.


    yo QUIERO!!!!
    ahora tengo mucho hambre....muchas gracias, brian.