A Video Tribute to Mexico

Kelly + Brian + Megan + camera = That's Awesome

The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

Hello Ladies. Look at your man. Now look back at me. Look at your man again. Now back at me! Sadly, your man is not me. But he could be a lot more like me if he did extremely manly things during a volunteer trip in Mexico.

Let me explain. The other day, I did something that I had never done before. It was, in a few words, the most testosterone driven demonstration of masculinity ever to take place upon the North American continent. Allow me to share it with you:


Kelly and I arrived home to realize that we did not have the key to the front door. We rang the doorbell multiple times and no one answered. Unsure of what to do, we started to weigh our options. The surrounding trees were too short for a suitable slingshot, Kelly's lock-picking tools were inside, and neither of us had levitated in a while. So, after a few minutes of head-scratching, we realized that we had only one available option: the manly option.


No big deal. That's just me. Scaling a sheer cement wall with nothing to secure myself. Using a metal hook to pull myself up and over the top. All in a day's work. Didn't even break a sweat.



Once on the roof, the trick was getting down. Luckily, I was able to shimmy along the back patio roof until I got to the garden. From there I jumped down onto some old tires and unlocked the front door from the inside.



Like I said, it was really no big deal. It's the kind of thing that guys like me do all the time. Kind of like breathing, but manlier.



I don't know if it was my usual breakfast of a dozen eggs and bacon-wrapped steak but I was feeling really manly after climbing into the house. I decided to go lift tires in the backyard to try and harness some of the macho-ness coursing through my veins. (Side note: This is actually how I worked out for the first month I was here. Now I just go to the gym.)



Sometimes lifting tires just isn't enough. Seeing as there weren't any bears to punch or steel wool to knit with, I decided to do some chin-ups on the side of the patio.



After that, I decided that the best way to end my manly day was by trimming my beard. This was manly for a few reasons: 1.) You can't trim a beard if you don't have one to begin with, 2.) It involves electricity and sharp things, and 3.) Trimming means you are keeping the beard (manly) but are telling the beard that you are in charge (even better).


Even with my manly day over. I was still left thinking about when I had felt so virile in the past. I'd like to share some of these memories with you:


There was that time when I went hunting and bagged my very first Care Bear. The meat was a little gamey but the fur kept me warm during that entire winter.



And who could forget when Joe and I won the World Cup together! It's one of those memories that you really just cherish...



A tribute to my own manliness would also be completely lacking if Neil Diamond Night were left out. There's just something about "Sweet Cracklin' Rose" that makes my chest hair grow at about twice it's normal rate. (Who's that foxy blonde in the orange shirt?)



Bottom Line: Sometimes you just gotta let yourself be as manly as you wanna be. Whether you're climbing a cement wall or serenading your sweetheart with a guitar full of puppies, the manly choice is always a good choice.

One Year!

We can't believe it's been one year! To celebrate, we decided to catch a bus to another one of Mexico's "Magic Cities". Without further ado, we proudly present Mexico Travel Diary: Cuetzalan.



We decided to get some tortas for our bus ride. I was really confused, however, because no one ever took down my name at the restaurant (they call it out when your order is finished). Everyone just somehow knew that the order for two tortas belonged to me and I couldn't figure out why. That is, until I read what was written on the bag. If you zoom in beneath "sin picante" (no chile) and "sin tomate" (no tomato) you will find "Guero" (white guy). I would just like to reiterate that that would just not fly in the States.


This is the biggest-numbered bill we have ever held. It was also physically huge (Mexican money gets bigger as the value increases). I think that the million peso bill even doubles as a placemat!



As soon as we arrived, we were identified as tourists (Us? How could they tell!?!). Luckily, though, a young guy offered to take us to "the cleanest hotel" in the entire city. What was really strange was actually how incredibly clean it was! It turned out to be a great place and even had two fans! This was one of our many attempts to capture ourselves and the view from our balcony.


On Saturday morning we headed to the town center for some breakfast. We found this great little place called "La Epoca de Oro" (The Golden Age) that had great food and great decorations. In this picture, you can see both the extensive butterfly collection on one wall and the incredible tenacity of Oaxacan quesillo. Note to self: if ever forced to bungee jump using food instead of a bungee-cord, choose Mexican cheese.



After breakfast we took a five-minute bus ride to an area of the sierra called "Las Brisas". It was here that we learned that Mexican researchers have found a way to isolate dinosaur genetic material from mosquitoes trapped in fossilized tree sap....



We hiked our way to this waterfall and even jumped in for a bit. In this case, jumped is being used in a very loose way. A better word might be "inched in little by little while trying to convince ourselves that we couldn't possibly get frostbite on such a warm day".



Brian and Kelly Awkward Moment #519 - A young Mexican tour guide offered to show us the way to a different waterfall for 50 pesos. We decided against it because we didn't feel like hiking any more and because Kelly was feeling a little bit sick. On our way back to the bus stop, however, we met a necklace vendor who told us that hiking to the other waterfall was really easy and possible without a tour guide. He even showed us the path and told us which turns to take. By that time, Kelly was feeling a bit better so we decided to give it a shot. It was about two-thirds of the way up the trail that we hear someone coming up the trail behind us. I look back and there is the same tour guide from the bottom of the falls. I wish someone would have taken a picture of our faces. His was a face of pure betrayal that said "You told me she was sick!". Mine was a look of absolute terror that said "Please do not try and kill us!"



No electricity in the entire city? No problem! We were still able to find some cheap food and the world's most attentive waiter. You can't really beat a view like this one either! Little did we know, the electricity would go out three more times that evening. Every time it did, we could hear a wave of "Awwww man!" rush down the entire block.



Have you ever seen such an amazing check-holder? I'm pretty sure our waiter made this himself in a final attempt to satisfy absolutely all of our needs and/or wants. This was, of course, after he swallowed flaming knives, let me use his back instead of a plate, and wiped the crumbs off of our table using his own eyelashes. And to think, all of this was still easily under 9 dollars!




Dear Readers of this Blog,
We apologize for the nightmares that you will undoubtedly have because of this picture.
Sincerely,
Brian and Kelly

Seriously, though, does this creep anyone else out as much as me? It was the advertisement for a mother and daughter corn-vending duo called "Las Gueras". As you might expect, they looked a whole lot less "guero" once we rolled into town...



#1 Reason to Visit Mexico: Amazing People
Aimee, Javier, and Maria have basically adopted Kelly and I as their third and fourth children. We love spending time with them and will really miss them when we are gone. As a present for our anniversary, Aimee made us this heart-shaped strawberry mousse with real strawberries on top. This was Act of Kindness # 1,428 and they just keep them coming. We are learning so much from them and will definitely be staying in contact once we're gone.




This should be a video of our visit to "Las Brisas". I get the strange feeling that Blogger employees spend their lunch break laughing over my repeated attempts to upload videos. We will see...

Last but not least, here are 10 things we have learned during our first year of marriage:

10. Any attempt to avoid talking like your parents is futile. At some point, no matter what, you will say something like "Hey do you want some pancakeys?" or "Should we hit up Wally World after the movie (pronounced move-eye)?".

9. Your strengths and weaknesses can really even each other out.

8. I can never be left alone to do the grocery shopping.

"Brian! You got three bananas, seven slices of bread, and 13 potato chips? They don't even come in that quantity..."
"I know! What a deal, right?"

7. Kelly's Life Lesson 101 - Everything is better warmed up. Peanut butter and nutella sandwiches, leftovers, ice cream, etc.

6. Sundays are the best days of the entire week.

5. Always believe the best about each other. More often than not, it's actually true. And when it's not, your belief makes the necessary difference anyways.

4. Kelly is a liar in the mornings. You cannot trust anything she says when she is waking up.

"Kelly. Wake up! Don't you have to be at the school by 7:00?"
"No. A rogue wave from the Great Salt Lake came through Provo last nite and school was cancelled. Just give me a few more minutes..."

Fifteen minutes later:

"Oh my goodness! I have to be to school in seven minutes! I am so dead!"

3. Brian is the best note leaver of all time. He left a note in the lunches that he packed for me every day during my student teaching for 3 MONTHS! And they weren't the same every day either. This is clearly not because there are that many awesome things to say about me, but because he is extremely creative.

2. Kelly is the unsinkable Molly Brown of positive thinking. Her immediate reaction to anything is to laugh. She will slip and fall down in the nasty flooded streets of Mexico and come out of it with a smile that most people don't even wear on their wedding day. Sometimes being positive is the only thing you can do and she really does it well.

1. No matter how much we do, it all pales in comparison with what God does for us. We have been immensely blessed during our first year together and we are so grateful for God's constant care and that of our family and friends.

Real #1. Don't take marriage advice from people who have only been married for a year. What do they know anyways?

You Ever Had Feelings For A Nun?

Because we have! (Explanation later...)

Brian and Kelly proudly present: Travel Diary #2 - Taxco, El Rollo, and Puebla


This picture captures the feeling of Taxco perfectly. All of the taxis are vintage beetles and the town has ups and downs that make San Francisco look like weak sauce.


Taxco feels a lot more like Spain than Mexico. That is ... until you interact with a human. Then it feels very much like "not Spain".


We took this picture from the giant statue of Christ that you can see at the top right of the previous picture. Personally, I think Taxco kinda looks like a giant bra. Any other ideas?


Could it really claim to be a true Mexican town without having a Cathedral?


This is where our trip took a turn from amazing to one of the coolest things any of us will ever do. When they found out we were going to Taxco, Kira's host family suggested that we stay at the Betania Monastery instead of a hotel. We were all a little confused and curious about how it would work but it turned out great. It was about thirty seconds after arrival that one of us starting humming "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?" It was about four days later that we all finally stopped...


Have any of you ever been on a first date and wondered what the best way to say goodbye is?
"Should I hug him/her?"
"Should we kiss?"
"Should I just akwardly pat his/her arm?" (Maybe that one was just me...)
Now imagine that you were on that date with a group of nuns! I was seriously bewildered as to how I should say goodbye to them. Here in Mexico, you kiss women on the cheek when you leave their house. But, what about when leaving some Nuns at a monastery? I've just never had occasion to Google "proper Nun farewell protocol". Finally, I just had to ask.

Bizarre Life Bingo Card: Kiss a Nun. Check!


They had some pretty sweet digs at the monastery. It was out in the middle of the forest and made for a really chill couple of nights.
Basically, it works like this: The monastery has tons of extra rooms. They let people come stay and eat for free. At the end of your stay, you give a donation of however much you feel is appropriate. They also sell candles, honey, granola, cookies, and drinks that they make themselves. (The picture at the top of the blog is us with the Mother Superior and the Sister in charge of the candle workshop.)
All in all, it was an experience like Nun other! (Nun puns are the best!)


The Lord's cookies.


We took this picture just so we could caption it with "Would you like to join me in my quarters later for some toast?" (And, Yes, that is pre-toasted bread straight from a bag. It's actually really delicious!)


Awkward Brian Moment #343
"So Nuns, can I maybe like share this room with Kelly? I mean... we're married. I promise. Oh, where's my ring? It fell off when I was cliff-jumping a few weeks ago..."


Coolest bathroom of all time!


To get to and from the monastery we had to take a "combi". Just imagine a hollowed-out Volkswagen van with some benches in it. Now imagine that same van with everyone you know inside of it! On this particular morning, we shared our sweet ride with 17 people!


I have been trying to imagine a wound severe enough to merit stopping at this "Doctor's office" instead of finding anywhere else to go. We found it while winding our way through a local market in Taxco. I think it was right in between the booth selling fish heads and the old woman selling straw placemats. On the plus side, your entire visit would only cost 30 pesos (about $2.50). Still, I can't help but think your $2.50 might be better spent asking the cashier at your local Wendy's to check you out...


During our second day the monastery, we decided to go check out Las Grutas de Cacahuamilpa. They are about 2 kilometers long and really really impressive. It was really hard to get pictures to turn out so I stole this one from the official Grutas website.


This is about as good a picture as we could get. They actually make you hold the entrance up while the previous group goes on the tour.


The next two pictures kinda sum up our group dynamic here in Mexico. Here we have a fun crazy group of girls.


Here we have me with all the other guys in the group.


Next time you are thinking "Man. My job sucks!" Just remember, you are not these ladies. They get the enormous privilege of handing out toilet paper inside of a cave all day.


You know how normal people put pictures up of their family smiling together wearing matching shirts? Not in our house! I think that this picture should hold a prominent place above our sofa. It really captures the essence of our relationship: I'm on edge because Kelly is always looking for a chance to scare me.


On Day 3, we decided to go to El Rollo. It is touted as the best water-park in Latin America and it did not disappoint. The highlight of the whole day was the "rio con olas" which literally means "river with waves". A better translation would be "really lazy river". About once every minute, a wave shoots through the river and pushes you forward at the speed of light. I think Jim Gaffigan must have been involved in the design process because El Rollo found the only way to make a lazy river even less work than it already was.


We ended our trip in Puebla where I found a sweet gift for Kelly.


And the biggest orange-strawberry juice we had ever seen!


We also found the coolest hand-knit sweaters on the entire planet!


And Brittan found the man of her dreams!


Finally! We were able to find a church and actually get there in time for Sacrament Meeting! Way to go Puebla!


The moral of the story is: you could up as happy as these people or us if you choose to stay with Nuns on your next vacation.